Process

So as my trip to San Francisco draws near, I pray that I'll be ready. This is my first mission trip...what if I miss up the prayer with someone? What if I give them the wrong impression? I should trust God in everything that I do, but...i'm scared. I'm scared to give Him everything. I've never done that with anyone. And even though it's not really that evident to people around me- I try to supress it as much as I can. I think that's why I'm so scared about this trip- because I can't let go of my fears and insecurities...
It was a good day though. San Fran draws near and I try to piece together everything that I need to figure out by then or everything that I need to sort out. I keep thinking about my old youth pastor. The last time I saw him he said 'goodbye' to me in an odd way...like he knew it was going to be the last time I ever saw him.
I've been thinking about that last goodbye and what I know he's done since he's left our church, to my family, to my youth pastor and to my friends, and I wonder what would've happened if he never left, would he still be going on the downward spiral? Would he keep our youth group in one place instead of where my youth pastor is taking us now? Taking us places where we never thought was possible...
It was hard letting go, but I think it was even harder embracing my current youth pastor. And people kept telling me he was going to take our church far. He was going to take it places it hasn't been before. And I realize that now, and now I have a strange feeling of not wanting to grow up so I don't have to leave the youth group because I want to go places with it.